Guzzlem & Howdy Co.

Type

Trade Company

Owner(s)

J. Guzzlem & Sam Howdy

Featured in

$alesman $am (1921)

“Sam, in selling to a customer, if we haven't what they want, try to sell them something just as good.”

―J. Guzzlem, co-owner of Guzzlem & Howdy Co.

Guzzlem & Howdy Co. (aka J. Guzzlem & Co., Duzzem & Howdy Co. and formerly known as Guzzlem's Drugs and Guzzlem's Dept. Store) is a small trade company that functions as a department store, general goods store, grocery store, pharmacy, warehouse, wholesale distributor, insurance firm, delivery service, gas station, and as a one-time pirate radio broadcasting station (among other things) all rolled into one which is owned and managed by Mr. J. Guzzlem and his business partner Sam Howdy, one of the top salesmen in the country. It first appeared in the classic 1921 comic strip series $alesman $am by George "Swan" Swanson, one of the pioneers of comic strip wild takes.

Overview[]

A typical day at Guzzlem's Drugs with Sam Howdy making one of his usual sales pitches even in the most dire of situations

Guzzlem & Howdy Co. originally began as a small and shabby pharmacy started by Mr. J. Guzzlem simply named "Guzzlem's Drugs" which also dealt in general goods to the point where customers mostly came for the general items rather than medicine, resulting in the pharmacy rarely stocking medicine or even basic stomach ache pills. Guzzlem would eventually hire the ambitious young salesman Sam Howdy to serve as his pharmacist and general clerk, although Sam had more skill selling the store's general items than actual medicine, with Sam rarely knowing which medication was which.

Guzzlem's Drugs becomes a Dept Store and Sam is promoted to traveling Salesman

The lack of pharmaceutical sales eventually led to Mr. Guzzlem completely renovating the pharmacy into "Guzzlem's Dept. Store" with more emphasis on its general goods and clothing while the pharmacy was regulated to its own department within the store, a decision which would pay off in the long run.

Guzzlem's Dept. Store tackles the competition

However, the pharmacy department would still prove of little use due to Sam's continued incompetence at managing medicines and prescriptions, but the store would be better off for it as Sam proved just how skilled he was at selling the store's various items and apparel, to the point where cash-carrying customers rarely ever left with more than a few dollars or cents in their pockets and purses, although Mr. Guzzlem would still be miffed if even a few dollars managed to leave the store unspent.

Sam and Guzzlem become partners and Guzzlem & Howdy Co. is born, allowing Sam to take beatings from angry customers on Guzz's behalf

Sam's skills as a salesman would eventually take him on the road to help promote various products on behalf of Mr. Guzzlem which would help to boost the reputation of the store and its goods.

On their first day as partners, Sam reveals to Guzz that he's hired his fiance Milly to work as their secretary while costing Guzz more money than ever

The continued success of the department store and Sam's salesmanship (as well as the need for a patsy to take the blame for Mr. Guzzlem when needed) would lead Mr. Guzzlem to promoting Sam and making him a full blown partner of his latest business expansion in which he transformed his little store into a full blown but small company, the "Guzzlem & Howdy Co." which now covered a far wider range of goods and services most of which were managed by an overworked Sam himself, turning their shop into one of the top retailers in town and Sam into one of the finest salesmen out there.

Sam saves Guzzlem & Howdy Co. from the Blackhanders seconds before being blown sky high

This growth would naturally attract all sorts of both wanted and unwanted attention, including from the very dangerous criminal gang the Blackhanders who ran the local extortion racket who went as far as kidnapping Sam in order to force Guzzlem to pay their "protection" fees and when he refused, they threatened to blow up the entire store with their bombs, forcing Sam to escape and stop the crooks himself, even nearly blowing himself up in the process, but in his battered state was able to thwart the Blackhanders' devious plan.

An ever-expanding business for the discerning customer

As time passed, the store would continue to find new ways to increase its inventory further and add more and more selections to their ever increasing catalog of items to the point where they practically sold almost everything but the kitchen sink and the store would get so packed that Guzzlem was actually forced to hire temporary help now and again whenever Sam was out of town performing his traveling salesman duties. This increase though would only lead to more difficulties with customers in the long run though, either attracting customers that were so dumb that they put even Sam at his worst to shame or customers so clever that they easily saw through Sam's deceit and gave him a proper thrashing for it.

Staff[]

Founder[]

J. Guzzlem (also known as E. Duzzem or simply "Guzz") is the original owner, founder, president, manager, treasurer, head secretary, janitor, office boy, night watchmen and namesake of Guzzlem & Howdy Co. back when it was Guzzlem's Drugs and the current co-owner of the company alongside his business partner Sam Howdy. Mr. Guzzlem is an opportunistic businessman who takes pride in hard work and making lots of money at little expense to his own coffers, a fact which naturally encouraged him to make Sam Howdy his partner after Sam proved his ability to convince customers into buying anything no matter how cheaply made it actually was, as well as the fact that Sam made the perfect patsy for whenever Guzzlem wanted to avoid a customer's wrath, having mostly given Sam his new role just so he could avoid getting clobbered by a boxing champ for selling him a bum pair of gloves.

The management hard at "work"...

Although Guzzlem and Howdy maintain a strong business partnership and friendship, they will often bicker over the most petty things and Guzzlem will usually find himself exasperated by Howdy's bizarre logic and shortsighted antics which cause him no end of troubles, but in the end the duo are usually able to come out of most situations with only minor damages but many embarrassments.

Co-Owner/Top Salesman[]

Sam Howdy, co-owner of Guzzlem & Howdy Co. — **Sam Howdy**, co-owner of Guzzlem & Howdy Co.

Sam Howdy is the co-owner, accountant, pharmacist, cashier, advertising agent, operator, exterminator and traveling salesman of Guzzlem & Howdy Co. who handles the company's sales, financial ledgers, customer service or anything else that Mr. Guzzlem doesn't feel like doing, often causing heated arguments between the two petty business partners.

Guzzlem & Howdy Co. management — An example of Sam and Guzz's usual dynamic

Sam is a salesman blessed with the gift of the gab and can convince customers to buy almost anything, even things they don't need, but Sam is also notoriously shortsighted and is prone to moments of stupidity at the most inopportune times which may cause no end of difficulties with customers resulting in misunderstandings or a customer walking out with an item at half-price or even for free. Sam also has quite a habit for loafing around and ogling women when performing his traveling salesman duties and will irresponsibly spend large amounts of cash on food, drinks and parties while passing them off as business expenses, much to Guzz's chagrin.

In spite of his shortsighted antics, cowardliness and tomfoolery though, Sam has proven himself to make up for it by always finding ways to make back his losses and his on the road sales trips always prove quite profitable as his zany antics and fast-talking tactics are able to get customers to buy almost anything he has. Sam has also proven himself to be selfless and courageous when it truly counted as shown with his willingness to risk his life fighting the Blackhanders in order to protect Milly, Guzz and their company.

Employees & Others[]

Milly, secretary of Guzzlem & Howdy Co. — **Milly**, secretary of Guzzlem & Howdy Co.

Milly, the Secretary - Sam Howdy's beloved sweetheart and main secretary for Guzzlem & Howdy Co.. Originally she was hired by Sam without consulting Mr. Guzzlem shortly after he was made a partner in his business, a fact which was made worse by Sam giving her a rather generous income. Initially Guzzlem objected to this but after overhearing Milly compliment him over the phone, Guzzlem quickly changed his tune and Milly became a permanent part of the Guzzlem & Howdy Co. team ever since. Most of Sam's money making attempts were usually done in the interest of raising enough money to fund his and Milly's wedding. Although she is completely loyal to Sam and loves him dearly, she usually finds herself at her wits end when it comes to his cheap or eccentric shenanigans, and also grows concerned whenever he goes on his long sales trips out of town knowing full well that he might indulge in heavy drinking or ogle other girls if left unchecked.

**Nap**, the Guzzlem & Howdy Co. office boy

Nap, the Office Boy - A short young boy who answered one of the company's want ads back when it was still a drug store which requested a bright young boy for the position. Originally two boys, one short (Nap) and one tall, showed up to apply for the job the first time around and both were asked several questions by Sam to determine if they knew how to make exact measurements based on the weight and number of items ordered by a customer. Out of the two, Nap kept answering incorrectly, like claiming that a dozen was equal to eleven while the taller boy answered all of them correctly, but in the end, Sam chose Nap as he would help save the business a lot of money by giving customers less than what they asked for while charging them full price. Since then, Nap has worked at the store on and off again handling errands for Sam and Guzzlem when needed, usually cleaning, making simple deliveries or even working as a clerk while Sam is out of town. He once even tried to convince Mr. Guzzlem to give his sister a job, claiming she handled the jewelry department at the local 5 & 10 ¢ store. He also has a girlfriend named Rosie with whom he often gossips with about what a greedy blowhard his boss is.

Guzzlem & Howdy Co. delivery horse, Pete — The Guzzlem & Howdy Co. delivery horse, **Pete**

Pete, the Plug Horse - A poor old horse and the company's main riding animal who pulls the store's delivery wagon. Bought after the company cleared their first $1,000, with Mr. Guzzlem originally asking Sam to buy an automobile for their company using their $1,000 budget, but Sam in his cheap incompetence instead bought old Pete in the hopes of using the leftover money to fund his and Milly's wedding, a decision which naturally infuriated Mr. Guzzlem and which was made all the more difficult by Sam's completely ignorance on how to properly take care of a horse, with Sam once even attempting to feed Pete tobacco leaves due to misinterpreting a sign at a cigar store that read "plug tobacco", thinking it meant it was a type of tobacco for old horses, or even renting Pete out to the milkman at night thinking the milkman would keep it in a stable while failing to realize that the milkman mainly works at night, just to name a few of the stresses Pete and Guzzlem have had to endure due to Sam's shortsightedness.

Products[]

One of Sam's usual business tactics to push company products

The Guzzlem & Howdy Co. offers a wide range of products, varying greatly in quality but always marketed as top-of-the-line by Mr. Sam Howdy—who is more than happy to sell them at premium prices (or higher if he can get away with it). Occasionally, free samples or bonus items are included with purchases, either as part of special promotions or due to one of Sam's infamous sales pitch blunders.

Since its inception, the store has primarily specialized in tools, clothing, and medical supplies. However, as the business grew, its inventory expanded to include furniture, appliances, spare parts, cooking supplies, toys, food, pets, livestock, and just about anything one might need on a daily basis. And if the store itself doesn't have something in stock, chances are it can be found in the warehouse.